You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
