Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I had to cum in my sink.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
