My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
