I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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