I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
