Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
