Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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