How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize