My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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