i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
