I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize