You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
