There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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