Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
