She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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