So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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