i need an iv and a liver transplant
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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