my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
And then my night got REAL pukey
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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