mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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