NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Enjoy the penises
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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