My room smells like vodka and shame
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
