Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
