my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
