My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
