Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize