im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
