You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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