I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
