he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
