You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
