Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize