I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
