Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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