you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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