I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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