I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize