They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Non-Jews are for practice
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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