Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
