whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i love accidental penises.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
