I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
