the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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