Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
