I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
