I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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