You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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