No awkward lesbian experiences without me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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