just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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