she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
