ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
