Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
