I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize