I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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