MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
