I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
