I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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