I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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