last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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