I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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