i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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