Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
