i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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