Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
