i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
