its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize
