You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
