At least make sure they are 18
Why
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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