mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
