I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
