Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
