oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
