i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
